The Transformative Power of God's Word

As an 18-year-old boy, I dreamt of a life filled with money, luxury cars, nice clothes, a beautiful home, and a beautiful woman. If those boxes were checked, then I would have made it—like baking a cake; it was a simple recipe for happiness.

Fast forward to my 20s. I woke up in a luxury hotel suite in New York City; next to me was a charming and beautiful TV actress. We had flown in from Dallas.

Like most tourists, we went shopping, ice skating at Rockefeller Center, attended Broadway shows, and dined at some of the best restaurants in the world. After a busy day of fun in NYC, we would sit at the bar at the Plaza and sip red wine. We’d cuddle in bed, enjoying room service late into the night.

It was very intoxicating—the luxe lifestyle, the electricity of the city, and the company of a beautiful and successful woman.

Yet, I was completely empty inside. I needed a lot of alcohol, pills, cocaine, women, gambling, money, clothes. I was insatiable.

I had to manufacture happiness through more.

That escapade in NYC should have been a dream come true, but it was my spiritual rock bottom, the culmination of my misguided quest for happiness and peace through constantly yearning and striving for more—bigger and better things. The truth is, it was underwhelming and empty.

Fast forward again to 45. I've been in prison since I was 30, which, quite honestly, feels like a lifetime. I'm serving a 30-year federal prison sentence.

However, it’s not as bleak as it sounds, for I’ve unlocked something very powerful. This is my spiritual and emotional high. I've never felt better.

Confused? I bet you are. If the stay at the Plaza was the valley, then this is the peak.

Here’s my journey from a spiritually bankrupt man who unsuccessfully chased happiness to a renewed man of substance, full of joy, hope, and gratitude—one who welcomes each day. The power of God and His grace transformed me. I only wish I had understood the transformative power of God sooner.

My dad was an alcoholic. But around age 30, he "found God" and got sober. Once his life became centered on the church, he tried to explain Jesus, Heaven, and Hell to me. We had to attend church all the time. I rejected all of his beliefs and couldn’t wait to get out of there. Not a single word I heard ever touched my heart. When it came down to it, I was antagonistic and mocked Christianity. It was so boring.

The Turning Point: God is Close to the Brokenhearted

God knew the only way I would listen was to completely break me down, and so He did.

About seven years into my 30-year sentence, the chaplain told me that my mom had suddenly died. There is no mourning in prison—no crying, no grieving. No hugs. Nothing. You suck it up. You leave the chaplain's office, and you get on with prison life. You bury any reaction.

I went into an emotional and psychological tailspin. I lost about 40 pounds. I stopped working out. I stopped going outside, period. I stopped studying and reading. I stopped eating. I started to spit up blood.

I was already floating through prison life on autopilot—callous and detached. My time in prison was plagued by chronic fatigue, weighed down by extreme loss. I loathed getting out of bed and despised the long days of prison life. I was so utterly miserable, bitter, and hopeless—and I was so, so tired...all the time.

In short, I had a crushed spirit. All I could see was a future filled with more days in prison, decades ahead of me.

A Blessing in Disguise: The Hole

A random drug test became a blessing in disguise. I tested positive for Suboxone. After my mom died, I turned to Suboxone, a synthetic opioid like methadone. It was so convenient to use to escape the day. It numbed all feelings and became my emotional armor.

Off to solitary confinement I went.

If day one of withdrawals was hell, then day three was a special kind of hell for a special kind of evil, as were days 10, 15, 20, 30, and 40!

Trying to kick Suboxone literally feels like you're dying. Depression doesn't come close to describing it. It feels like your soul is gone. You don’t produce any dopamine, the happy hormone, at all. One of the worst things about withdrawal is that you don't sleep. I didn’t sleep for about 45 days.

I spent Christmas and New Year's Eve in the hole, withdrawing.

My Lifeline: Tony Evans and Chuck Swindoll

The local Christian talk radio station plays

sermons from different preachers. I listened to Chuck Swindoll and Tony Evans. During my time in solitary confinement, I listened to them almost every night. I clung to their sermons as I sat locked in a tiny cell with only a toilet and a steel bed, withdrawing. And grieving my mother's sudden death.

I emerged from the hole sober, but not fully recovered. My dopamine and energy were slowly returning. I had never experienced a drug that could affect me like that—60 days later. No wonder people find it hard to quit.

After hearing Tony Evans’ and Chuck Swindoll's compelling sermons, I wanted more. Their messages stirred and fed something within me.

These radio sermons became my lifeline in solitary confinement, and I decided to use them as a catalyst for change in my life.

Renewing My Mind

Back in general population and sober, I began to immerse myself in the Word of God—my study Bible, sermons, books, and scholarly articles. What had once seemed like boring religious nonsense transformed into something that began to feed my soul and spirit, nourishing me in ways I never expected. 

The only way I can describe it is that it felt like I was hooked up to a powerful charge, causing my heart to overflow with joy and be full of contentment and gratitude. It ignited a passion for life within me. This was joy like I had never felt before—whole and supercharged. I still feel that way today, six years later. My vitality is off-the-charts as well.

When I unlocked the healing and restorative power of the Word of God, everything changed. My circumstances didn't change, but my heart did through God's grace. I learned something new every day by reading His Word. I built on this foundation with a daily investment in prayer and scripture.

I realized that Christianity is not just about religion. It's not a boring ritual, a once-a-week church service, or a long list of dos and don'ts. 

You want to have a drink? My goodness, have a drink. Have two—one for you, one for me. 

A big glass of wine or a bourbon is amazing after a productive work week.

Have fun! Live life!

Listen, churches are full of people who never miss a service, whose lives are full of church activities, who know every verse in the Bible, who say all the right things, play the part, don’t smoke or drink, and live family lives. They even post passages from the Bible on their Instagram and avoid foul language. Yet, many of these individuals have never experienced God and don’t truly know Him, regardless of how many Bible verses they can quote.

In fact, acquiring knowledge of the Bible can lead to spiritual dryness.

Religion, knowledge of the Bible, church attendance, and church activities do not make a person spiritual. Nor do a list of rules. That’s religion, which is empty and burdensome.

A relationship with Christ, however, is a different story.

Do you struggle with bitterness, unresolved anger, or regret because of the past? Anxiety, worry, or doubt about the present? What about fear regarding the future? Discontentment? Self-pity? Discouragement? 

What about envy, greed, lack of self-control, or resentment? How do you handle distress or harsh comments? How do you respond to successes or adversity? What about addictions?

Think of it this way: these emotions choke out your joy each day. They will rob you of the abundant life, and people will settle for a counterfeit joy, which is fleeting and impossible to sustain.

A strong Christian character consists of moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love—these are foundational to one’s faith. 

We all struggle with anxiety, worry, doubt, fear, resentment, unresolved anger, depression, addictions, envy, discontentment, self-pity, discouragement, greed, and so on. We all need to build our faith, knowledge of the Word, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love.

Religion can feel boring—and I agree. Religion is boring. And empty. And burdensome.

But I promise you that when the transformative power of God touches your life, doors will open. Addictions that plagued you for decades will fall away, and depression will be replaced with indescribable joy and vitality. You’ll see the life-changing everyday impact of the Word of God, and that’s exciting.

But it all starts with building a life on God’s Word—avoiding an empty religious routine or acquiring knowledge merely for the sake of knowledge. 

God's Word will transform you and open your eyes to a new dimension. It's alive.